I take myself on dates. I go to the movies alone. I wander museums alone. I eat meals alone (and yes, that means I resist all temptation to scroll through Instagram while waiting for my meal). I sit in coffee shops and journal alone. I take the train and go to new towns and walk around alone.
我跟自己去约会：我独自看电影，独自在博物馆闲逛，独自吃饭(是的，这是说在等待饭菜上来时，我抵制住所有刷Instagram的诱惑)。我坐在咖啡馆里，独自写着日志。我一个人乘火车，前往新的城镇，然后独自在那里四处走走玩玩。
I realize this may sound super dorky. You 8217;re probably thinking that I must be pretty weird and very lonely. Interestingly enough, I was way more lonely before I started spending time alone. The feeling like I needed to be around people all the time to take a deep breath 8212; that was loneliness. The feeling of complete anxiety and fear when a boyfriend broke up with me 8212; that was loneliness. But this? This is peace. This is fun. This is what self-esteem is built of. Here 8217;s how I learned to spend time alone.
我意识到也许这听起来超级蠢。你很可能会想，我肯定十分怪异、非常寂寞。有趣的是，我在开始独自生活前是更加孤单的。那种就像我需要一直跟别人待在一起才能做深呼吸的感觉，是孤单。男朋友跟我分手，那种极为焦虑恐慌的感受，是寂寞。但现在这种场景呢?这是平静，是趣味，是构建自信心的基础。以下是我学会独处的方法。
1. I just did it. And let go of trying to look 8220;cool 8221;.
我只是一个人独处，并不去想怎么尽量看起来酷。
2. Make a list of your favorite things. And don 8217;t wait for anyone.
列出你最爱的事物，不要等任何人跟你一起去践行。
3. Schedule It. And don 8217;t cancel on yourself.
计划时间，不要取消与自己的约会。
For the past year, I 8217;ve been single by choice. Not by circumstance. Not because no one will ask me out or I can 8217;t find anyone eligible. It 8217;s hard for some people to believe that I am choosing not to date, and I often get weird looks and confused grunts from my old aunt and college friends alike. Why would someone voluntarily choose to stay single? To spend time alone? Aren 8217;t I missing out on life by not going on Tinder dates? What if The One is out there but I don 8217;t catch him because I 8217;m too busy staying single?
过去一年中，我选择保持单身。这不是因为环境因素，不是因为没人约我出去或是我不能找到合适人选。有些人很难相信我选择不去约会。大姨和大学同学们老是对我投以怪异的眼神和不解地咕哝。为什么会有人愿意保持单身?愿意独自一人消磨时光?没有继续在Tinder(网络交友平台)上相亲的我，难道不是错过了生活(的乐趣)吗?要是我命中注定的另一半就在Tinder上，但我因为忙着保持单身而错过了他，那怎么办?
I 8217;m not the slightest bit embarrassed to say out loud that I 8217;ve been dating myself and it 8217;s been the mostnurturing, sustainable, and non-anxiety inducing relationship I 8217;ve ever had. There 8217;s no waiting to be texted back (or obsessing about if my text is too flirty, too needy, too wordy), and there 8217;s no feeling like another person just doesn 8217;t understand me.
大声说出我正和自己相约，一点也不让我尴尬，而且它是我所有的关系中最滋养人、最持久也最不会引发焦虑的。我不需要等待他人的回复(或是费神考虑我的短信是否太过轻浮、有求于人或是冗长啰嗦)，另外我也不会再有那种就是有人无法明白我的感觉了。
That doesn 8217;t mean I don 8217;t plan on dating other people in future 8212; I definitely do. But I know now that the relationship I 8217;ve built with myself is a model for the relationship I want to be in. I 8217;m kind and patient and gentle and loving and forgiving of myself. I laugh at my mistakes and I let go of my errors. I am strong and courageous. That 8217;s the kind of person I want to be with and the type of relationship I hope to be in.
这不意味着我将来不打算谈恋爱(我当然会谈啦)。可我如今明白，与自己建立的这种关系是我想要与另一半相处的模式。我友善、耐心、温柔、友爱又宽容。我对自己犯的错误一笑了之。我强大而勇敢。这便是我想要的对象，也是我希望同他建立起的恋爱关系。
I know now that I 8217;m not going into the relationship as a half, I 8217;m going in as a whole. So whether it works out or doesn 8217;t work out, deep down, I haven 8217;t lost anything. I 8217;m still me. I 8217;m still complete. I still have the friendship I 8217;ve built with the me that I 8217;ve grown to know and love over the past 23 years. That 8217;s the greatest relief I 8217;ve ever known.
我现在知道了，我不会在恋爱关系中有所保留，而将会是全身心投入。因此无论这段关系是否有好的结果，在内心深处我都没有任何损失。我仍然是我自己，我仍然完好无损，我同自己建立起的友谊依旧存在，那是我在过去23年中渐渐了解并爱上的。这便是我所知的最大欣慰。
（编辑：何莹莹）